5 Reasons Not to Beat Yourself Up

It’s easy to get down on yourself when things aren’t going the way you’d hoped. Maybe you haven’t been able to keep up with a diet or exercise routine.  Maybe you haven’t had the success with your career or business that you expected. Or maybe you said or did something you regret and hurt someone you care about like a parent, partner, or friend.

 Whatever it is, you can be sure of one thing. You don’t have to beat yourself up! Here are 5 reasons why you ought to cut yourself a little slack, take a deep breath, and continue working on improving yourself.

1. Stress is no good

 When you come down on yourself, you’re not only keeping yourself low, you’re also taking valuable energy away from giving yourself a boost. Reinforcing patterns of negative behavior is way less productive than reinforcing patterns of positive behavior so try to give yourself some credit for what you are doing well. Remember that everything is going to be ok.

2. You’re doing fine

 Remember, no matter what it is you’re doing in life, somebody is probably doing it better than you, and somebody is probably doing it worse than you. Your job isn’t to be the best in the whole world, it’s to work toward being the best YOU possible. Instead of judging yourself against everyone else, you should focus on your own path. Chances are you’re not as far away from where you want to be as you think you are.

3. Life is long

 You don’t have to finish everything right this very instant! While it is important to remain productive and try to accomplish something every day (even if it’s just a little thing), it’s important to remember that life goes on. Often times our stresses and anxieties come from a sense that something has to happen right this very instant! That usually isn’t the case, and also causes you to stress out even more. Self fulfilling prophecy much!

4. Somebody loves you

 Believe me, somebody out there loves you. Sometimes it feels like there is nobody in the world who cares for you but that just isn’t the case. Whether it’s your mom, or your significant other, or a son or daughter or friend, somebody somewhere cares. You need to remember that when you get down in the dumps. And also, you need to remember to love yourself. It’s very difficult to allow others to give you the love you deserve if you can’t give yourself some love.

5. You’re a good person!

 That’s right, I haven’t even met you and I’m telling you that. Why? Because it’s true! All you have to do to be a good person is genuinely want to be a good person. Even if you’ve done some stupid things in your life, you don’t have to define yourself by those things. Remember - life is constantly shifting and if you want it to, it will shift for the better. Keep your head up and put one foot in front of the other!

 

Onward!

You know what's a profoundly pleasant experience? When your subconscious mind actively works to help you out instead of operating in a perpetual self sabotage mode. It's amazing how many of us are operating in that self sabotage mode most of the time and don't even realize it. Actually it's amazing any of us are here at all! Kidding - but wherever you are, and in whatever state of affairs from all buttoned up and ducks in a row to coming apart at the seams, there are ways to begin taking control of the processes that define our lives, and they all begin with taking a good hard look. And I don't mean a casual once over at your internal life, I mean a deeply introspective, impartial look. Believe it or not (and you probably don't yet) it's a lot easier than you imagine. How does that quote go? The best way to climb a mountain is one step at a time.

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Part of it is recognizing that there are a tremendous amount of things going on in your head that you are blissfully unaware of. Bringing your attention to these things, applying the focus of your mind to them, makes it easier to discover what they are and address them consciously. For example. Do you get angry at all, ever? Anger is usually a symptom. It implies that there is something else going on. But you are rarely consciously aware of that so you just feel angry. And then you behave in subtle angry ways and act on angry impulses, (either in big or more often in very little ways) to sabotage yourself and make it more likely that you'll repeat those patterns.

These are called feedback loops and as soon as you're looking for them, you'll see their footprints all over your life. Being aware of feedback loops will make it easier for you to understand them for what they are and coax more positive results out of them. Because that's another thing it's important to realize. These things that have negative results in our lives, the mechanisms behind them can be used to achieve either good results or bad results. They can be allowed to run wild or they can be used responsibly as tools. So what you perceive as a bad character trait may simply be a poorly directed character trait. If you find the appropriate outlet for it, that character trait may become one of your strongest assets. But you have to do the hard inner work of learning how to be the driver of this rickety carriage. It doesn't - it simply cannot happen all at once - and you will get discouraged - often. But if you take the long vision, if you internalize the idea that you have to navigate yourself toward a far off destination you can't even see yet, you'll begin to realize that it's possible.

The point is, it all starts with thinking about it. With you thinking about the mechanisms in your own life. If you want to see if you're standing with good posture you have to look in a mirror. And if you want to see how the feedback loops and subconscious processes in your life are working you have to find a mirror somewhere in yourself. Oh, and for most of us it's pitch dark when we begin looking so we can't see anything. So you'll probably need a flashlight. And the mirror is more often than not at the bottom of a deep dark cave so you need a bunch of different flashlights and other tools. Oh and it's a lot easier with some guidance. It's my great pleasure to be one of those guides but remember, I'm on this journey as well, so you'll have to take everything I say with a few grains of sand. The blind leading the blind and all. This metaphor is getting pretty sloppy, but you get the picture. Onward!