You know what's a profoundly pleasant experience? When your subconscious mind actively works to help you out instead of operating in a perpetual self sabotage mode. It's amazing how many of us are operating in that self sabotage mode most of the time and don't even realize it. Actually it's amazing any of us are here at all! Kidding - but wherever you are, and in whatever state of affairs from all buttoned up and ducks in a row to coming apart at the seams, there are ways to begin taking control of the processes that define our lives, and they all begin with taking a good hard look. And I don't mean a casual once over at your internal life, I mean a deeply introspective, impartial look. Believe it or not (and you probably don't yet) it's a lot easier than you imagine. How does that quote go? The best way to climb a mountain is one step at a time.
Part of it is recognizing that there are a tremendous amount of things going on in your head that you are blissfully unaware of. Bringing your attention to these things, applying the focus of your mind to them, makes it easier to discover what they are and address them consciously. For example. Do you get angry at all, ever? Anger is usually a symptom. It implies that there is something else going on. But you are rarely consciously aware of that so you just feel angry. And then you behave in subtle angry ways and act on angry impulses, (either in big or more often in very little ways) to sabotage yourself and make it more likely that you'll repeat those patterns.
These are called feedback loops and as soon as you're looking for them, you'll see their footprints all over your life. Being aware of feedback loops will make it easier for you to understand them for what they are and coax more positive results out of them. Because that's another thing it's important to realize. These things that have negative results in our lives, the mechanisms behind them can be used to achieve either good results or bad results. They can be allowed to run wild or they can be used responsibly as tools. So what you perceive as a bad character trait may simply be a poorly directed character trait. If you find the appropriate outlet for it, that character trait may become one of your strongest assets. But you have to do the hard inner work of learning how to be the driver of this rickety carriage. It doesn't - it simply cannot happen all at once - and you will get discouraged - often. But if you take the long vision, if you internalize the idea that you have to navigate yourself toward a far off destination you can't even see yet, you'll begin to realize that it's possible.
The point is, it all starts with thinking about it. With you thinking about the mechanisms in your own life. If you want to see if you're standing with good posture you have to look in a mirror. And if you want to see how the feedback loops and subconscious processes in your life are working you have to find a mirror somewhere in yourself. Oh, and for most of us it's pitch dark when we begin looking so we can't see anything. So you'll probably need a flashlight. And the mirror is more often than not at the bottom of a deep dark cave so you need a bunch of different flashlights and other tools. Oh and it's a lot easier with some guidance. It's my great pleasure to be one of those guides but remember, I'm on this journey as well, so you'll have to take everything I say with a few grains of sand. The blind leading the blind and all. This metaphor is getting pretty sloppy, but you get the picture. Onward!